Colourful Commentary

Chris Berman

Often times during a baseball game there will be periods where the play can be slow or boring (believe it or not!). It is during these times that a good play by play and colour man can keep viewers interested in the game with their witty banter and clever one-liners. The following is a list of a few of my favourite calls and a couple of puns by that maniac Chris Berman. Enjoy!

like a disobedient dog, this ball is leaving the yard!

I’ve got 99 problems but a pitch ain’t one

Glove, exciting and new. Come aboard, we’re expecting you. (sung to the theme to the love boat)

(Player) asks if there is anything he can help him with, says no thanks, just looking. (strikes out looking)

“Get out the rye bread and mustard grandma, cause it’s GRAND SALAMI TIME!”

That ball is off like a dress on prom night!

Just call him butter cuz he’s on a roll.

Call him carwash cuz he’s automatic.

Check if you’re bleeding…cause you just got tagged!

Aye, Papi, I did not know you could do it like that.

Do a little dance. Make a little glove.

Take care of the onion, or it’ll make you cry.

Glove is a many splendored thing.

Crackatoa! He has erupted

I’m not sure what the pitch is, but it tastes like chicken

It’s never iffy if it’s Griffey

He pulled a groin. His own we hope!

That’s a 6 to 4 to 3 double play if you’re scoring at home…or if you’re by yourself.

It’s a 6-4-3 double play if you’re scoring at home. If not, try flowers!

He goes shopping at the Gap

The baby is due, and the Doc (Roy Halladay) delivers

Might as well face it, he’s addicted to glove.

The bases are like Canada during the Vietnam War…full of Dodgers.

It’s not the size of the stick, it’s all about hittin’ the sweet spot!

You want me on that wall. You NEED me on that wall!

Bichette happens

and from Last Friday’s Tigers/Yankees ALDS Game 3, Ernie Harwell’s gem: “Strike 3! Like a house on the side of the road he just watched that go by!”

Vin Scully called it back in 1964 when Bobby Wine and Cookie Rojas played the infield for the Phillies. He said the great line ‘…..days of Wine and Rojas…” when setting up the line-up.
Chris Bermanisms:

Ryan “I Can’t Palm The Basketball. I Wish I Had” Langerhans
Troy “Heart of” Glaus
Mike “Holy” Schmidt
Miguel Tejada “they come, Tejada (the harder) they fall”
Jeff Conine “The Barbarian”
Kevin “objects in mirror are larger than they” Appier
Todd “Highway to” Helton
Nomar “Mr. Nice Guy” Garciaparra
Bert Be Home Blyleven
Bernard “Innocent Until Proven” Gilkey


Feel free to comment on your favourites… or maybe even some originals if you got ’em!

Written By

has written for since 2006. Follow Callum on Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram

  • I bow to the puns of Chris Berman. Nice Post! Also, here’s a good Berman nickname, non-baseball;

    Jake “Daylight come, and you gotta” Delhomme

  • Will N. Dowd

    Eric “Sleeping With” Bienemy

  • Here’s a good one, which could also work with Michael;

    Marty “Grin and” Barrett

  • Paul Happy

    Great column on Chris Berman, particularly regarding the pulled groin, I can almost hear Berman saying ” I hate it when that happens”.

    So do you offer Fantasy Baseball?

    Nice site, VERY user friendly.

  • Mude

    The “scoring at home” line belongs to Dan Patrick, from back in the Dan & Keith days. Berman is a horrible man, and anything he is announcing is automatically on mute.

  • The article at yardbarker is incorrectly titled as Chris Bermanisms. This is a collection of lines from various commentators, not just Chris. The Bermanisms are relegated to the bottom of the article.

  • My bad. That’s what you get for not Yardbarking on your own! 🙂 They’re still money quotes none the less.

  • To answer Paul Happy’s question;

    We are throwing around ideas about fantasy pools and we’ll probably also create a Yahoo Pool for anyone that wants to join. Thanks for the praise, and welcome to Mop Up Duty!

  • Early

    One of the dudes on the A’s/Tigers game tongiht (Steve Lyons I think) said his favourite wrestler was George “The Animal” Smith – yes Smith – not Steele – Smith – what an idiot. Maybe he is making up names like Berman.

  • Agreed. Steve Lyons, while entertaining at times, is pretty painful to listen to. Come to think of it, almost every FOX announcer is painful to listen to.

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