The Best Hair In Blue Jays History

We at Mop Up Duty are pretty obsessed with ballplayer’s hair, mostly because either we are losing it ourselves or we just have a bad haircut in general (or both).  When I think of the Jays of my youth, I think of glorious mullets and Tom-Selleck-like mustaches.  To celebrate the relaunch of our website, I present to you The Best Hair In Blue Jays History.

My favourite pitcher of all time not named Roy Halladay has always been Dave Stieb.  Whether it was his balls out (literally) style of play or his unhittable slider, every start was a potential perfect game. Speaking of perfect, when God invented the mullet, he used Dave Stieb’s as the mould.

Jeremy Accardo is a reliever who has an updated take on the mullet, with the twist of having an Exxon Valdez oil spill combed through it. It’s a versatile look that works on the golf course in a polyester suit or on the mound.

Former Cy Young award winner Pat Hentgen should also be a hairstyle award winner for bringing his “A” game with both the mullet and fumanchu styles.

While we are on the topic of moustaches, the Jays have an rich history of cookie dusters to choose from. You have the Crime Dog, Fred McGriff, sporting a stache you can set your watch to (what?).  Rance Mulliniks walks a fine line between pedofile and mail bomber. Danny Darwin steps it up to another level, with a well-crafted helmet of hair to go with his nose-neighbour.  Although not with Toronto when he was sporting this look, you could see how he is an attractive trade target. Last but not least, a token Mike Flanagan picture

In the pre-World Series glory years, the Jays were heavy on Dominican imports.  Jays fans were not only the beneficiary of inspired play, but also glorious, dripping wet Jerrycurls.  George Bell‘s was so well coiffed, he wouldn’t dare to mess with his hair by wearing his hat like a normal ballplayer, he set it delicately on top, as can be supported by his division clinching catch in 1985.  Tony Fernandez followed suit, alongside the Dominican Sasquatch, Alfredo Griffin. Juan Guzman then took the look into the next decade with his glistening version.

Jays catchers have a history of great hair. Rick Leach, Greg Myers, Darrin Fletcher… all these gentlemen did themselves and the team proud. However, the best hair goes to Pat Borders who featured the traditional mullet, Charlie O’Brien who had a cascade of flowing blonde curls and Gregg Zaun – who incorporated the mullet, blond tips and TV hair that was combed to the roof. A true renaissance man.

Jays relievers have been notorious for flying the flag for good hair and it was difficult to narrow down the list to a select few. I had to go with Kerry Ligtenberg and Scott Schoeneweis who look pretty much like twins and Brian Tallet who looks like a comic book character with those fierce chops. Honourable mention goes to BJ Ryan who has not a lot left on top but still lives the dream regardless. He pulls this off with a flavour saver soul patch to distract you from the sparse follicles up top.

I wasn’t so short sighted to forget that the Blue Jays doesn’t just include the players, but the coaches and front office staff. Which is why I now give you former President Paul Godfrey and former manager (and catcher!) Buck Martinez.  The part down the middle or even the side part is always a solid look.

Okay, let’s be honest. You knew this list was just foreplay until we climaxed with the player who has the greatest hair of all. It really isn’t even a contest. KELLY GRUBER……..FTW! (for the win).

~fin~

P.S. Who did I miss? What mistakes did I make? Make comments in our new and improved comment section below.

Callum Hughson

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