Sucks to be Melky Cabrera

Sucks to be Melky Cabrera



Melky Cabrera Poor Bastard 

I know what you’re going to say, how can it suck to be Melky Cabrera? Let me tell you the ways:


  • He hits a respectable .280 with a .360 OBP in your first season as 22 year old switch hitter. Reward? Hit the pine meat.


  • During this time, you slug a poor .391 but have a stellar 59: 56 K:BB ratio, all with solid defense from all three outfield spots


  • Catchphrase = Got Melky?


  • Trade rumors abound. You may actually get to start and develop your talents. Wait, wait…nope, at 22 and still developing, you get the privilege of platooning and off-days.


  • Has to listen to a 10 minute rendition of God Bless America every home game.


  • Melky makes $355,000 dollars. Surely not a small sum, but hell, you have to live in New York City, home of extremely high living expenses. Better buy your metro card in advance Melky.


  • Cabrera’s fellow outfielder’s wages? In 2006 Damon made $13 million, Abreu $13.6 Million and Matsui $13 million. Each earns more in four and a half games then Melky does for an entire season.


  • Lives in New York, and instead of Jeter, Miguel Cairo is his wingman
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4 replies on “Sucks to be Melky Cabrera”
  1. says: Early

    I think Miggy and Melky would do well cruising Spanish Harlem with their Latin good looks. Jeter is a fruit, spends his time begging for it from washed up child stars, going to tanning salons, getting hair cuts and drinking diet soda.

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