Spring Has Sprung!

For live game coverage between the Jays and Reds, refresh (or press f5) to be kept up to speed, Mop Up Duty style.

9:56: Right now I am shaking like a leaf in anticipation of hearing the sound of bat meeting ball.

12:33:  Looks like the broadcast team will be Gord Martineau and Kathryn Humphries. Gord Martineau is obviously a sick joke of a human being who knows nothing about baseball. Humphries (or is it Humphreys?) on the other hand is very sexy, though not very witty. “Just for fun we are going to sing the Russian National Anthem as well. Okay, no we’re not.” Weak.  For those of you who don’t know what she looks like:

A.J. Burnett is getting the start so I look forward to him pitching HOT FIYAH!

12:38: It got me to thinking, who is the sexiest sportscaster or news anchor? I submit two more ladies for your perusal, Caroline Frolic and Carolyn Mackenzie.

12:44: Gord Martineau keeps hyping up how this is a “non traditional” broadcast (Read: Amateur Night). Gord has Paul Godfrey (Jays President) on and they are just chatting back and forth. The only real comment they have on the game is this by Gord “To be honest, I don’t really know any of the names of the Reds players… this is a non-traditional broadcast after all.” Burnett seems to be throwing free and easy and not the hot fiyah I am  used to. He is still managing to get groundballs though. His location is not quite there but I am thinking he is saving that golden arm for the inevitable playoffs.

12:49: This is also spring training for the umpires too. Reed Johnson almost took a Bronson Arroyo pitch off the elbow and it was called a strike.

1:00:  Jay Bruce just torched an AJ Burnett offering off the left centre wall, cashing in 2. 2-0 Reds. I can’t say I am disappointed, it gave me a brief respite from the mind-numbing chatter between Martineau and his lackie. I am debating putting this game on mute but I might miss a golden opportunity to jack up Martineau some more.

1:07: Hello there Barb DiGiulio, I didn’t know that you were a little bit of a fox. Okay, it looks like Gord’s buddy is named Hugh and this is what he has to say about the Jays struggles against Arroyo. “He has a high leg kick so it takes a few times through the order for the Jays to get used to it.” I don’t think so home slice, these guys are professional hitters and a higher than normal leg kick is not going to phase them.

1:12: Zaun just threw out a runner trying to steal. Take that haters.

1:24: Reds’ pitcher Cueto is dealing the nastiness right now and just struck out Zaun swinging.

1:27: Getting distracted, as I like to do. Make sure you check out Ebbets Field Flannels. I have no idea how they make any money but they have the best old school baseball gear I have ever seen.

1:31: Kathryn Humphreys is SEXY. Also, Jeremy Accardo is going to borrow Frank Thomas’ Bentley. We were provided that information at the expense of a whole half inning so I have no idea what happened or who is pitching for the Jays.

1:43:  Looks like the Jays have learned to execute situational hitting. Rolen moved Reed over to third on a flare and Matt Stairs drove him home. Wow, I really wish I could watch a baseball game without the announcers talking about hockey.

1:52:  Another inning missed due to a useless segment on some guy trying to learn how to pitch from Brad Arnsberg. CityStyle sucks and should never take place ever again.

2:04:  Obviously this is a Rogers/Jays ticketing commercial disguised as a Spring Training game. I am raged up that I have been duped into watching this garbage but it is still baseball.

2:10:  Jays’ pitcher Cummings is “Cumming” apart. WOOooOoooOOO.

2:25:  Former Reds’ closer David Weathers is getting lit up. Matt Stairs crushed a no doubter over the right field wall, a solo shot to put the Jays up 4-3.  It had the same sound as that Jay Bruce shot.  Lyle Overbay followed with a double, and was replaced on the basepaths by Ryan Patterson. Inglett followed with a single and Patterson showed off his wheels by scoring from second.

2:28:  Salvatore Fasano enters the game at Catcher. He is sporting some huge Kman style bags under the eyes, hell they are even above his eyes. Full on raccoon eyes. Still a nice guy though.

2:37:  I like me some Kathryn Humphreys. A lot.

2:45:  Snider is a tank. He rips an opposite field single to cash Buck Coats in.

2:53: Davis Romero is looking pretty good for a guy coming off shoulder surgery. He gets out of a bases loaded jam by throwing a gutsy, nasty 3-2 curve for the strikeout. Gord Martineau has pretty much relegated himself to agreeing with whatever “Hugh” says.  They are terrible but I will take them over Rob Faulds any day.

2:58: Laura Schmidt, Jason Frasor’s fiancee, rattles off some mindless gibberish to Barb DiGiulio. Laura can do better than Frasor, although his quick move to the plate allowed Zaun to throw out that runner earlier.

3:09:  Humphreys is making fun of JP for nerding it up as a youth by playing Strat-O-Matic baseball.  I have never seen such a board game before but it looks interesting.  Kman: E-bay it up, we sit around and drink Steeler and give it a go?

3:12:  I forgot, there is a game going on.  I’m thinking that the CityTv crew decided to “Canadianize” the broadcast for Canadian viewers who think the game is too boring (Read: they are too slow to follow it).  So they pepper it with little skits and bastardize the actual game.  Oh how I miss the days of Buck Martinez and Dan Schulman.

3:15:  Unbeknownst to me, the game is over. Call it an 8-4 win for the Jays.  Now they are taking us to the season ticket holder’s barbecue where Jays players serve the fans tasty meat products.  I guess I will watch, it beats folding laundry.

3:21:  Just spent 5 minutes watching Jennifer Valentine remove saran wrap from a tray of beans to the soundtrack of a chainsaw buzzing. This is ridiculous I can’t even believe what I am watching right now.

3:23:  DiGiulio is interviewing VP of Marketing Laurel Lindsay.  She is talking about how the Jays organization is a “family”.  That is a lie, the family became disfunctional upon Pat Gillicks departure. She is a comely blonde with a nice smile, however. I’d hit it.

3:29:  Martineau is trying to cover his ass by saying “that’s how we like to do at CityTV… fly by the seat of our pants” … “if you approach things in a structured way it comes out (not looking right.. or something)”.  He comes off as sounding delusional. It really is Amateur Night (afternoon).

3:37:  Pointless interviewing of fans right now….

3:40:  Okay this bad boy needs to be put out of its misery. I hope to never have to endure another CityTV baseball related broadcast. That’s it, that’s all.